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Server Alerts... By Postal Mail! 📬
note-ify sends you physical postcards summarizing your Prometheus alerts. Because nothing says "your server was down last week" like finding out about it in your mailbox today!
Ridiculously Impractical Features
We've gone out of our way to make monitoring as inefficient as possible
Physical Postcards
Receive actual, physical postcards in your mailbox summarizing alerts from days or weeks ago. Perfect for nostalgic sysadmins!
Delightfully Slow Delivery
Why get instant notifications when you can wait 3-5 business days? Experience the thrill of discovering last month's outages!
Weekly/Monthly Summaries
Choose between weekly or monthly postcards. Either way, they'll arrive long after you've fixed the problems or been fired!
ALERT SUMMARY: WEEK OF MAY 3-9
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✅ web-server-01: CPU at 99% for 3 hours on May 4
✅ database-prod: Out of disk space on May 6
✅ load-balancer: Unreachable for 45 min on May 7
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Hope everything is fixed by now! 😊
Yours truly,
note-ify
How This Absurdity Works
Yes, we actually print and mail postcards about your server problems
Connect to Alertmanager
Our Elixir app connects to your Prometheus Alertmanager and collects all those critical alerts you're getting.
We Wait... A Lot
Instead of notifying you immediately, we store the alerts until your chosen summary day. Revolutionary!
Physical Printing Happens
We generate a postcard with your alerts, print it on actual paper, and prepare it for mailing. Yes, really.
Snail Mail Delivery
Your alert summary travels through the postal system at the blazing speed of... well, the postal system. Expect delivery in 3-7 days!
Ready for the World's Least Efficient Monitoring?
Join our small group of people who thought this was funny enough to try
Mail Me Server Alerts!